I want to talk about something that hits home for a lot of us, especially those of us who were told we were “too big” growing up. Maybe you were teased in gym class. Maybe you started dieting way too young. Maybe no matter what size you were, it never felt like you were enough. And now you’re parenting a child who’s starting to say things like, “I’m fat,” or hiding in their room after being picked on at school.
It’s heartbreaking. And it can bring up a lot of feelings.
As parents, we want our kids to feel proud of who they are. We want them to be healthy. But sometimes, it’s hard to figure out where one ends and the other begins. How do we promote health without feeding shame? How do we help them move their bodies without making it feel like punishment? How do we protect their confidence in a world that seems determined to tear it down?
Here’s what I’ve learned from other parents, from peer advocates, and from my own journey.
1. Separate Health from Appearance
We have to stop using weight as the main sign of health. Thin doesn’t mean healthy. Fat doesn’t mean unhealthy. Instead, ask things like:
- Do you feel energized after you eat?
- Can you play, climb, and move in a way that feels good?
- Are you sleeping okay?
These are the markers that matter. Remind your child that health comes in lots of body types, and that no one owes the world thinness to be worthy of love, safety, or fun.
2. Create a Judgment-Free Zone Around Food
If your child has ADHD or autism, food might already be a battle zone. Impulsivity, sensory sensitivities, and emotional regulation struggles can make eating tricky. The goal is to take the pressure off.
- Keep balanced foods where they’re easy to grab.
- Make a family rule that no one comments on anyone else’s portion or plate.
- Avoid labeling foods as “bad.” Instead say: “Some foods help our body grow, some give us quick energy, some just taste good.”
- Make a house rule to eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full.
- If you have a child who eats really fast, you can make reminders or rules to take sips of water in between each bite or make sure they put their fork down so their brain has time to process the food and recognize fullness. (These are tips from my personal child nutritionist.)
The key is to build a relationship with food that’s about trust and listening, not fear.
3. Focus on Joyful Movement, Not Exercise
Instead of saying, “You need to get outside,” try:
- “Want to play music and dance with me?”
- “Let’s race to the end of the block.”
- “Can you stretch like a cat? Show me!”
- “Why don’t you walk to your friend’s house or ride your bike?”
Let movement be silly, social, or creative. Even if your child resists structure, they may still enjoy moving if it’s on their terms. Especially for kids who are isolating, movement needs to feel safe and enjoyable before it becomes routine.
4. Address Bullying and Inner Critic Thoughts Directly
When kids are teased for their bodies, they often internalize it and start to believe it’s their fault. As parents, we can help them rewrite that narrative.
“What those kids said was cruel and wrong. Your body is not the problem. Their behavior is.”
And if they say, “I feel fat”:
“Can you tell me what that means to you? Are you feeling uncomfortable, sad, left out, tired?”
This opens the door for real emotional expression, not just surface-level body talk.
5. Be a Mirror, Not a Magnifier
Kids learn how to treat their bodies by watching us.
- Do you call yourself names in the mirror?
- Do you refuse to eat in front of people?
- Do you talk about your weight constantly?
You don’t have to be perfect. Just practice saying out loud:
- “I’m learning to be kind to my body.”
- “All bodies are good bodies.”
- “My body helps me do amazing things.”
Even if you’re faking it some days, it matters.
6. Set Loving Boundaries Around Habits
You can still create structure without linking it to size or worth.
- “We play outside before screen time because our brains focus better.”
- “We keep snacks in the kitchen so we don’t graze all night and get a tummy ache.”
- “We move our bodies every day—not to shrink them, but to take care of them.”
- Limit screen time: if you limit the amount of time your child is sitting on devices, they’re more likely to want to get up and move. It’s recommended to limit screen time to two hours per day, but even if you break it into two hours in the afternoon and two hours at night, it’s still progress. You can create screen-free blocks or screen-time blocks—work with what’s best for your family.
It’s not about control. It’s about consistency, modeling, and compassion.
Final Thoughts
Your child doesn’t need a diet. They need safety, structure, and self-love.
They need to know they are already enough.
And if you’re still healing your own body image wounds? That’s okay too. You don’t have to have it all figured out to show up with love. Sometimes, just sitting next to them and saying, “Me too,” is the most powerful thing you can do.
Let’s raise kids who trust their bodies, listen to their needs, and move through the world like they belong.
Because they do.
Parenting Together 
Leave a comment