Learning to Care for You

Without Guilt, Shame, or a $300 Spa Day

Taking time for yourself as a parent can feel impossible. And when you do get a minute? You may be too tired to know what to do with it. Or you feel guilty. Or someone needs something again.

I get it. Because I live it.

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned as a parent and peer supporter is that self-care does not have to be expensive, time-consuming, or another job. It does not need to be a face mask and a bath unless that is actually your thing. You do not need a perfect schedule, a quiet house, or someone else’s permission.

Sometimes self-care is sitting in the car a little longer before going inside. No noise. No requests. Just a few minutes where nobody needs anything from you.

Start With What You Actually Have

When people tell an overwhelmed parent to “make time for yourself,” I know how frustrating that can sound. What time? You may be working, managing appointments and school calls, caring for siblings, making dinner, handling behaviors, and trying to keep the house running.

So do not start by finding an entire free afternoon. Start by asking: Can I protect 20 minutes?

Maybe it is after bedtime. Maybe your kids have quiet time while you have quiet time. Maybe your partner or another trusted adult takes over at the same time each day. The goal is not to squeeze one more task into your schedule. The goal is to build a small routine where some time belongs to you.

Start with what is possible. Once your family gets used to that routine, you may be able to make that time a little longer.

Find People Who Get It

Self-care is not always something you do alone. Sometimes taking care of yourself means finding another parent who understands why you are exhausted without needing the whole backstory first.

Parent and caregiver support groups can give you a place to talk, listen, ask questions, learn about resources, or simply hear someone else say, “Yep. Me too.” You do not have to wait until everything is falling apart to reach out.

A Massachusetts Resource: PPAL

I’m based in Massachusetts, so you will see me share Massachusetts resources often. One I want families to know about is the Parent/Professional Advocacy League (PPAL). PPAL offers parent-to-parent support, groups, trainings, and help connecting families with resources. Some of their support groups are virtual, which can make joining much easier when getting out of the house is hard.

See PPAL Support Groups & Events

Not in Massachusetts? That is okay. Most of the ideas and tools I share can travel with you. Look for family-run organizations, parent peer support, caregiver groups, or family support programs where you live.

Sometimes Self-Care Is a Boundary

Self-care is often talked about like it means bubble baths, spa days, or getting a night out. Those things can be great if you have the time. But sometimes we don’t.

I think about self-care more like the oxygen-mask rule on an airplane: you have to make sure you can breathe so you can keep helping the people who need you.

That can look a lot less glamorous. It can mean going to your own doctor appointment even if your child has to miss or reschedule a therapy session. It can mean telling the school, “That IEP meeting time doesn’t work for me. We need another time.” It can mean protecting your sleep, meals, therapy, friendships, or other things that keep you going.

Sometimes it means setting a boundary at home.

In my house, one of my biggest forms of self-care starts at 8:00 p.m. My kids go upstairs and screens are done. They don’t have to go to sleep. They can read, play quietly, or do their own thing—but they need to be upstairs.

That gives me about two hours before I usually go to bed around 10. Sometimes I use that time to finish chores or clean up. Sometimes I decompress. Sometimes I just enjoy nobody needing something from me every 45 seconds. 😅 Then I’m back up around 6 a.m.

And I need my sleep. If I don’t get it, I’m grumpy—and then nobody in this house is having a good time. 😅

Taking care of myself isn’t taking something away from my children. It is part of how I stay able to care for them.

Self-care can also be advocacy. It is remembering that you are a member of your family too. Your appointments matter. Your sleep matters. Your mental health matters. Your schedule matters.

You don’t always have to be the easiest person to reschedule.

Self-Care Should Not Become Another Job

Choose something that actually helps you, not something social media says should help.
Small counts. Ten or twenty minutes still counts.
Connection counts. Calling a friend or joining a parent group can be self-care.
Rest counts. You do not have to make your free time productive.
If something leaves you feeling more stressed, you are allowed to try something else.

We are not going to fix everything in one afternoon. But we can start making a little room for you inside the life you already have.

Not with guilt. Not with pressure. Just something real, something manageable, and something that is yours.