I keep seeing the same question from parents: “My child hates school. He’s overwhelmed, falling behind, and miserable. What am I supposed to do?” I know that feeling, because I had to answer that question for my own son.
Why I Let My Son Leave High School
Andrew was trying so hard. He wanted to succeed. He wanted to go to college, get a job, and build a future. But traditional school was making him miserable. He wasn’t getting much out of it socially, either. Every day felt like more pressure without getting him closer to the life he wanted.
He’s autistic, has ADHD, and is very bright, especially with programming and 3D animation. But being smart doesn’t magically make writing, deadlines, organization, or a full school day easy.
I finally had to ask myself: Why am I making him keep doing this when he’s already able to work toward passing the high school equivalency tests and move on to college? In college, he could take fewer classes at a time, get support, and study things that actually connect to his goals.
This wasn’t a decision to let him quit learning. It was a decision about what was actually best for him. I knew my son wasn’t trying to avoid life. He wanted to work and learn. He just couldn’t thrive in that particular setting.
We Didn’t Just Give Up. We Tried Everything.
And I want to make this part clear, because I know someone will ask, “Did you try getting him help?” Yes. We did.
We tried in-home therapy. We worked with the school. We had an IEP and a 504 plan. We tried so many different supports. We even had the principal come out to talk with him and encourage him to go to school.
We weren’t sitting around doing nothing. We were trying everything we could think of. And Andrew was trying, too.
At some point, I had to ask myself: What exactly am I fighting for? Am I fighting for his education and future, or am I fighting to keep him in a building because that’s what we’re told he’s supposed to do? Those aren’t always the same thing.
He wasn’t getting the social benefits we’d hoped for, and he was miserable. I had to stop asking, “How do I make him go to school?” and start asking, “What will actually help him succeed?”
When Our Kids Become Teenagers, Our Parenting Role Changes
Here’s something else I don’t think we talk about enough. Around 15 or 16, our parenting role starts to change. We’re raising young people who will soon be making their own decisions. We can’t make every choice for them forever.
Our job becomes helping them understand their options, the possible outcomes, and the tools and support available. What do you want? What could happen if you choose this path? What will you need to do to get there? And how can I support you?
That doesn’t mean no rules or expectations. Andrew and I talked about goals, education, work, mental health, and what moving forward would look like. I could support a different path without agreeing to no plan at all.
I knew he wanted to succeed. And yes, he spent about two months doing very little before he got a summer job and then started preparing for his HiSET. His path wasn’t instant or perfect. But it was his, and he was learning to take ownership of it.
I don’t want to raise kids who only know how to do what they’re told. I want to raise adults who can make informed decisions, ask for help, take responsibility, and build lives that work for them. Sometimes that means I stop pushing from behind and start walking beside them.
A Different Path Still Needs a Plan
And no, he didn’t jump into the next thing right away! For about two months, he didn’t do much. That was hard to watch as a parent. Then he got a summer job, and later started preparing for his HiSET. Now he’s planning to go to college in the spring.
We talked about goals, expectations, and boundaries before taking this path. I wasn’t going to require him to sit in a school setting that wasn’t working, but I did expect him to keep moving toward something: education, work, or getting support for his mental health.
Our family has clear expectations about adulthood, too. Living at home comes with a plan, whether that’s being in school or treatment, working and contributing, or actively working toward the next step. I want to support independence, not demand that it happen overnight.
Boundaries aren’t the opposite of compassion. For us, they were part of making a different path possible. And I think it’s okay to give a child a little room to rest and regroup without assuming that means they’ll never try again.
When “I Hate School” Means Something More
Sometimes a child says “I hate school” because they’re bored. Sometimes they’re overwhelmed, anxious, struggling with a learning disability, missing important skills, or exhausted from trying to fit in. Maybe they have headaches every day. Maybe they seem to have given up.
Instead of jumping straight to “lazy” or “defiant,” I want to know what’s underneath it. Is the workload too much? Is the environment too loud? Are they having trouble keeping track of assignments? Do they feel safe? Have we asked them what would help?
A child can be very intelligent and still need real support. And switching schools won’t always fix the underlying problem.
Before Making a Big Change, Look at Supports
Does your child have an IEP or a 504 plan? If you suspect a disability is affecting school, you can ask the district for an evaluation. If there’s already an IEP, you can ask for a team meeting to review what’s working and what’s not. Kids don’t need to fail every class before their needs matter.
Frequent headaches or other physical symptoms deserve attention from a healthcare provider, too. Stress may play a part, but don’t assume that’s the only cause.
In Massachusetts, families can also reach out to groups like PPAL or the Federation for Children with Special Needs for information and support.
What Other Paths Are There?
There may be alternative high schools, credit recovery, career and technical education, virtual programs, homeschooling, or high school equivalency programs. Homeschooling can be wonderful, but not every parent has the time, money, or ability to teach at home. That’s okay.
Massachusetts offers high school equivalency testing through the GED and HiSET. Some adult education programs offer free preparation for eligible students. Students under 18 have special requirements, so check the current state rules and talk through the consequences before withdrawing from school.
A high school equivalency credential can open doors to college and work, but it may not be the best fit for every child. The point is to learn about the options rather than assume there is only one right road.
What If We Took Some of the Pressure Off?
Here’s my unpopular question: What actually happens if your child fails a class? It might mean making up a credit or changing the graduation timeline. That’s frustrating, but it doesn’t mean their life is over.
Imagine already feeling behind and hearing every day that you’re ruining your future. Does that help you try harder, or does it make everything feel impossible? We can hold expectations and show compassion at the same time.
Start With the Future They Want
Ask your child what they want their life to look like. Maybe they want to work with computers, build things, care for animals, or make art. Maybe they have no idea yet. Then work backward together: What skills, education, and support could help them get there? What’s one small next step?
For Andrew, the answer wasn’t forcing another year of the same struggle. It was finding a way to keep moving toward college and work, at a pace and in a setting that fit him better.
A Different Road Is Still a Road Forward
I don’t think every struggling teenager should drop out. I also don’t think we should make kids suffer through an environment that isn’t working just because it’s traditional.
Our job isn’t only to get our children through school. It’s to help them build lives they actually want to live. Sometimes that means staying and getting better support. Sometimes it means changing the plan. Either way, we can listen, set boundaries, and keep believing in them.
Massachusetts Resources
Massachusetts Adult Education — information on adult education and high school equivalency.
Parent/Professional Advocacy League (PPAL) — family support and advocacy.
Federation for Children with Special Needs — special education resources.
Rules and eligibility can change. Check current state and program requirements before making education decisions.
Let’s Talk
Has your child struggled in traditional school? Did you find another way that worked? I’d love to hear your story. The more we share, the less alone other parents feel.
Parenting Together — Because Everything is Better Together.
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